How apropos: Last week, CBS showed that stop-motion animation holiday classic Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. You remember the Island of Misfit Toys, of course? Where all the unwanted, weird, eccentric toys go?
Well, we have that with cars. We're definitely The Property of Misfit Cars. And it's finally reached a breaking point. Let me introduce you to the inmates:
1. 1997 Dodge Dakota with 235,000 miles on it. It's been through a major hailstorm, so it's badly dented and divoted everywhere. It's been in the process of dying for about three years now. It's had a constant problem with the power steering fluid leaking -- by constant, I mean that's it's been leaking PS fluid for about 5 years now, it's been "repaired" several times, and yet it still drips.
The Dakota has, in the past year: had all four shocks replaced, at the cost of $1200; clutch plate and bearing replaced, at the cost of $300; water pump replaced at the cost of $400; front brake rotors resurfaced and pads replaced at the cost of $600.
Now the Check Engine light is on, it runs like crap, and smells like it's burning. Lovely. Another X hundred dollars needs to be coughed up to try to save this crumbling piece of junk. I'm not sure I'm willing to have this new problem fixed, but I may have no choice.
2. 1997 Geo Prizm with approximately 85,000 miles on it. The clearcoat on this car is peeling like a bad sunburn. It vibrates like a Home Depot paint shaker at speeds above 45 mph -- so basically, pretty much anytime you drive it. The driver's side seatbelt is nearly impossible to use because it has a problem with the ratcheting mechanism. It also needs new tires.
I drove it into town yesterday. Last night it wouldn't start for the drive home. It's got a new battery. The lights were not left on, so I have no idea what's going on with it. It simply will not turn over, at all. This car's nickname is the Piece of S#!t Car for a reason. The gasoline in the tank is worth more than the rest of the car.
3. 1993 Ford Ranger with about 70,000 miles on it. This was my mom's truck, so it arrived on our property with very low mileage. We've since run it up considerably.
You drive this truck more by aiming it than actually steering it since it wanders like a beagle on a rabbit trail. It has newish tires. And a new battery. It also has a bedful of turkey poop, since the feral turkeys that adopted us just love to perch on the sides of the bed and poop into it. Their claws have also scratched the paint all to hell.
There is a problem with the gas tank that makes it leak gasoline when you fill up the tank. But it runs. That is its saving grace right now.
4. 2001 Dodge Intrepid, with about 68,000 miles on it. Our newest car, which my mom gave us when she got a Honda Civic. This one starts and runs. It's comfy. It even gets relatively good gas mileage in spite of it having a six-cylinder engine.
Now, though, it's developed a problem with the venting system for the gas tank. The vent that allows air to leave the tank as it's displaced by the gasoline being put in has clogged. So it takes about 15 minutes to fill up the tank, and you have to constantly start and stop the gas pump handle. Alan googled this, and it's a known issue with 2001 and 2002 Intrepids. How to fix it -- and how much that will cost -- is another issue entirely.
I also have two motorcycles that are sitting underneath covers because it's simply too cold to ride now. I commute most of the year on one or the other since they get between 43 and 50 miles per gallon, it costs less than 20 bucks to fill the tank, and I simply enjoy riding. But not when the weather is 24 degrees and the wind is howling.
So my current proposition to Alan is that we attempt to trade in the Dakota, the POS car, the Ranger, and one of the motorcycles to get a used Hyundai Tucson or Santa Fe. I'd love to have the Santa Fe, but our finances may dictate getting the smaller, less-expensive Tucson. We need an SUV, since I haul laundry, garbage, and several 5-gallon water bottles into town once a week. We go to Albuquerque to get groceries, pet supplies, building materials, and so forth on a regular basis, too.
Alan remains unconvinced. And while that situation prevails, we remain stuck with vehicles that look like crap, run like crap, or don't run at all.
Frustrated? You bet.
I'm seriously considering getting a nighttime and weekend job at Walmart -- that's how frustrated I am. I'm willing to work for the Evil Empire (no, not Disney -- the OTHER Evil Empire) just to get a vehicle that starts reliably, runs reliably, and doesn't look like a golf ball.
Ah well.
Merry farkin' Christmas to you too.
